PAIN GIRL (PILOT) i really want to like this, because i can tell you put a lot of effort into it, but you really have to improve your writing if you plan on continuing this show because the script you went with felt like a rough draft rather then something actually complete.
you tell stories in this medium, i felt like i wasnt told a story at all, rather just "these are the characters, this is what they do, and here are some jokes" which can work really well, if any of the ideas or jokes present are interesting/funny. which i hate to say, they arent, and even worse - they arent executed well.
i heard someone else say this here, but it feels like this show is begging to be fast paced, except the "story" progresses at the speed of a snail and every joke pauses everything just so it has time to be told - which i feel like none of them should. it should be a blip and thats it. good examples are the gross-ups of all the people in the u-cream store and the sr pelo gag - if someone watching this had no clue who sr pelo was, then that scene would just be a complete slog.
i seem cruel and mean here, but i genuinely want to see you improve, your style could work brilliantly in a show, good luck on episode two
The Sweet Truth 
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ALIENZ!! 
DRINK CLUB 
PUNCH PUNCH FOREVER! 
THE BIG DANCE!!! 
